THE RAPE OF NIGERIA!
(THE VOICES II)
by
OBORO KINGSLEY
MAIDEN PERFORMANCE FOR “AUTHENTIC PAULO ENTERTAINMENT” & “JEWEL CONCEPTS” AT ODUS HOTEL, OZORO, ON THE 5TH OF FEBRUARY, 2010.
A young lady walks in with a pistle aimed at a young man’s forehead.
VALENTINE: Please don’t do this. I will make it up to you.
FRANCA: No way! You promised to be there for me, but what did you
do? You dumped me for a fresh lady, on the 14th of February
of all days!
Suddenly, the brother to Valentine runs in, gasping for breath and pleading his brother’s cause at the same time.
BROTHER: Franca, you don’t need to do this. My brother…
FRANCA: Shut up! Who asked you? (At this point, there is an interplay of interjected words and phrases until a shot is fired)
BROTHER: Valentine… No!!! (Emotions are whipped around).
DIRECTOR: Freeze! What is the meaning of this? This is a show, not a place for your bloody displays.
These people have come to enjoy themselves… Now unfreeze! (They all converge, then come to him).
BROTHER: Director, this is all we’ve got.
DIRECTOR: You, what is your name?
VALENTINE: Valentine sir.
DIRECTOR: And you were killed?
VALENTINE: Yes sir.
DIRECTOR: Who told you Valentine can be killed? (Rapturously). Valentine’s day. A day to love.
BROTHER: Love like never before.
VALENTINE: A day to exchange an old girlfriend for a fresh one.
DIRECTOR: Valentine’s day…
FRANCA: Sir, you are carried away.
DIRECTOR: Oh yes, I am. Now will you get out of here and start this…
FRANCA: But this is all we rehearsed.
DIRECTOR: Must you rehearse? Do anything. Do something!
VALENTINE: Like?
DIRECTOR: Recent developments.
BROTHER: Like?
DIRECTOR: Read your news Umar Abdulmuttallab Farouk.
VALENTINE: My name is not Umar Farouk.
BROTHER: Sir, I am feeling sick.
DIRECTOR: Yar’ Adua. So you are still bed-ridden with the sickness that has prevented you from sitting on your seat to rule.
BROTHER: I am not Yar’ Adua.
DIRECTOR: Of course, now get started.
VOICE OVER: Attention! All 289 passengers for Northwest Airlines Flight 253 en route from Amsterdam to Detroit, Michigan, should…
Meanwhile, Farouk has walked in with two figures,. One black and the other
white. They all freeze.
BLACK: Farouk, you are a holy warrior. All you have to do is, detonate the plastic explosives hidden in your underwear.
FAROUK: But… who are you?
WHITE: I am the pure side of your conscience, white and good.
BLACK: And am I the impure side of your conscience? Black and… good.
FAROUK: Why should I indulge in this act of terrorism on Christmas day of all days?
WHITE: That is why you have to desist from this. On Christ’s birthday, you want to murder 289 persons in cold blood?
BLACK: 290 including you. Farouk, just do it. Should you fail, you shall be known by the United States President.
WHITE: But your dad is one of the richest men in Africa and a prominent former chairman of First Bank of Nigeria,
you live in a 12 million pound apartment in England…
FAROUK: Enough. You are right. I won’t do it.
(Farouk starts moving towards white. When he is close for an embrace…)
FAROUK: No! I will do it. (He runs to black and they both freeze. Farouk unfreezes almost immediately and switches position to sit).
VOICE: Attention, we will soon be arriving Detroit. Hope all seat-belts are fastened.
BLACK: Do it now!
FAROUK: It’s not working. (There is a sound as of an explosion, then shouts of ‘fire!’ rents the air).
DIRECTOR: So it happened. Farouk, the Nigerian terrorist was caught on the 25th of December, 2009 awaiting verdict in a U.S. cell,
while we are being deported and denied from travelling into the United States.
A sickly looking man walks in.
DIRECTOR: Who are you sir?
PRESIDENT: I am the President of Nigeria.
Meanwhile, there’s someone admiring a beautiful seat and trying to sit on it.
DIRECTOR: And him?
PRESIDENT: Oh, he is my Vice-President. He is hungry for the Presidential seat. That is why I am going to church.
DIRECTOR: To pray?
PRESIDENT: No brother! To sing. Just one song.
DIRECTOR: To sing? I don’t get it.
PRESIDENT: You will. Take. it’s the song sheet. Sing with me. You start.
DIRECTOR: Brother will you die?
PRESIDENT: I shall not die…
DIRECTOR: President will you die?
PRESIDENT: I shall not die…
DIRECTOR: Yar Adua, will you die?
PRESIDENT: I shall not die, but live to sit on the Presidential seat.
DIRECTOR: Oh, I get it now. What about your wives?
PRESIDENT: Oh, one of them has gone to consult a native doctor on my illness.
DIRECTOR: Painfully, this is what we are now facing. Oh, the President’s wife… he said she went to see a native doctor.
Let us see what they have up their sleeves.
NATIVE D: www.olokoshodudu.com. I can see you! I can see you from my webcam. With my cameras placed in every part of the Ota farm,
I can see you as you approach.
PRES W: Good day baba.
NATIVE D: What is your name?
PRES W: Babasanjo Olubrahim.
NATIVE D: logo…logo…logo…log in. You wait. This is the swagger god who will ginger your swagger. (After a moment) It is all here. You are a woman.
PRES W: Yes Baba.
NATIVE D: You registered with Facebook and Yahoo Mail, two months ago.
PRES W: Yes Baba. I knew this was the right place.
NATIVE D: On face-book, you have made just three friends. One mutual and two common.
PRES W: Yes Baba.
NATIVE D: Wait a little more. Logo.. logo…log in No network, no network, no network. You have contracted a virus.
You are an abomination. Out. Where is my acolyte.
DIRECTOR: Our cultures have truly been raped. Nigeria has been raped.
Suddenly, there is a sound as of pandemonium. Everyone runs out while a
MAN. U. fan runs in
MAN U: Man U, for life. Red devils… (Runs out)
ARSENAL: Gunners…Gunners….Gunners… (Runs out)
MAN U: (Running in) Man U, for life. Red devils…
ARSENAL: (Comes in to meet him) Gunners…Gunners….Gunners… (He then fires at the Man U fan. Drums at a rising crescendo
awakes him).
MAN U: I am a Man U fan. A red Devil. And what colour is blood? Red! I cannot die. As long as blood is red, my immortality
is guaranteed.
ARSENAL: How dare you!
CHELSEA: Stop it. I am the blues. Blues?
ARS & MAN: So?
CHELSEA: Blue is a representation of love. That is why I want all this to stop. Come. (He takes them to a pool).
ARS & MAN: What pool is this?
CHELSEA: This is known as Liverpool. Here, you will be washed of all impurities. When you are through, meet me at Barclays city where
we shall have Real Enjoyment.
As they are leaving, a voice comes on.
VOICE: Suggestion please. Be patriotic. Join the Super Eagles.
On hearing this, all show repulsion such as spitting on the floor…
ARSENAL: I had rather be a fan of little children playing monkey-post.
CHELSEA: What happened to the time when we defeated Brazil at the World
Cup, and made Bebeto cry?
MAN U: The times when we always qualified for the Nation’s Cup finals with
Cameroun for an opponent?
Someone runs in at an alarming speed screaming
SOMEONE: Run! Run Away!
ALL: Why?
SOMEONE: You just spoke against Nigerians.
ALL: So?
SOMEONE: You are about to be arrested.
ALL: But, in Nigeria, there is freedom of speech…
SOMEONE: But, no freedom after speech!
DIRECTOR: Yes, no freedom after speech.
VOICE I: Presenting to you, “The Rape Of Nigeria” Part II.
VOICE II: Ajigijigijigijigi! Yes oh. He don happen again. Come see how brother take kill him fellow brother because of money.
See how them give President ultimatum to hand-over. See how…
DIRECTOR: Must you explain the entire movie in the advert?
ONE: That is how it is done in the Home Videos.
DIRECTOR: If you repeat that, I will be forced to say that Nigeria is not my home.
ALL: Home Videos..
DIRECTOR; …where robbers are shot through a glass, the robbers die, but the glass is in good condition?
TWO: Could be spiritual bullets sir!
ALL: Home Videos.
DIRECTOR: Now, I want you to be more unique.
ALL: Alright sir.
We now hear the advert in a better way than it was before
DIRECTOR: What are you all waiting for? It’s the end. Thank you…
ONE: Thank you…
TWO: Thank you…
THREE: Thank you…
PRESIDENT: Thank you. I shall not die!
THE END
After having my performance “The Voices”, I have decided to do the same for this script as I did to my Play “The Voices.” I have tried to put in very little in terms of Stage Directions, as Directors differ in the interpretation of a script, with the Actors body and voice as instruments. However, this script should not be misinterpreted or edited. In situations such as these, the playwright must be contacted via: botstudioz@live.com, or via his cell: 08034861440. Finally, I must add that some of the ideas are a continuation from my previous script ‘THE VOICES I.’ Furthermore, some aspects of this play have been done away with, due to the nature of the performance in which this play will be
presented.
KINGSLEY OBORO 